Meeting another a pedophile?
My children meeting a pedophile?
Becoming a wife beater?
Becoming a bad husband?
Becoming a terrible person?
Becoming a savage?
Losing my mind?
Losing my family and all that I love because of the lack of money?
Losing my friends?
Breaking Angie’s heart?
Destroying my faith?
Manipulating others directly?
Coersion?
Being a bad friend?
Hurting others?
Failing at fatherhood?
Failing at husbandom?
Not learning anything from your life?
Crying for no reason?
Being weak?
Being a small child?
Being a violated boy who let a man rape him?
Not confronting your fears?
Being fake?
Not saving people?
Not helping people?
These are my fears.
These are the fears in the deepest pit of my soul. I cried tonight writing them. I’m not sure why. I say that but I know why. Because it makes me feel better to know that if I can see my darkest fears ahead of me, that I can do everything I can to avoid them.
This is how I deal with my history of pain and abuse and violence and fear. I confront them and share them, so that I never feel alone with them.
Some people are born for competion. From day one they compete around everything around them.
I have never been this way and understanding it is foreign to me, like another language or breathing under water, it’s unatural.
In my simple understanding, I believe I was born to collaborate. Meaning working with others. One on one to help others, and in helping them, I am also helped. Sharing my struggles with others appropriately has been a goal. Not competing, but collaborating. Not working against but working with.
I think this is what I’m born to do. Anything outside this is foreign to me.
I work with people because I love people.
Please share with me what your darkest fears are.
December 18, 2018 /