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Facebook Note #2 = Blog Post #2
NOT ANOTHER LONG ONE!!!!!!!DON”T READ THIS EITHER
Well it’s late and I’m up working late again. It’s not terribly exciting what I do, fixing networks, rebuilding Raid Arrays, or inoculating viruses from computers or is that computers from viruses. Even my writing isn’t that exciting. I’m not a writer, I’m not a poet. I do like writing music though as well as singing with my guitar. So perhaps I’m just a guitar playing singer song writer. Sounds alright to me. Anyways it’s late. And I am just finishing up some work before bed comes and I looked at the date.
It’s September 17th.
Not a particularly special day to most. But to me it happens to be one. In about 3.5 hours, it will be 13 years since my mother died.
I remember it well and I won’t go on about it but it was a Sunday morning. Mom was taken to the hospital a few hours in the day before. She was desperately ill. I remember what seemed to be a constant flow of morphine bottles going into her bedroom while she attempted a Hospice death. It didn’t last. It was too hard to pretend you are happy to die I suppose.
Someone woke me up in the morning at around 6:30AM to tell me that she had died… death….. gone……………….. It was a terrible morning.
I know that this is such old news to some and most are wondering why someone would put this on facebook. The only answer I have is that this is who I am now. I’ve had to deal with much more than this throughout my years and this sort of exposure has been the only vent I know.
I am cheerful by habit most of the time. But on September 17th I am trying to take a little time for myself.
I’ve written a few songs over the years, the one I have always tried not to ever perform is a song called Kiss Goodbye. It’s terribly sad. It’s about this day. Today, the day she left without a goodbye kiss. 13 years ago. A terrible Day.
I’ve decided to include this song however on my album. I’ve recorded it now in the studio; it’s a slow song, a slow story.
For you all to know, she was an incredible woman. She came to every single one of my opening night performances, sick or not sick. She said a few times she wanted to come to more but her body wouldn’t let her. She used to drive me into Vancouver for auditions in between her visits to St. Paul’s hospital. Even when she was sick and could barely speak through her morphine induced pain relief, she said she loved me, and she said she was proud of me.
Her body didn’t last in the end; it died to the aids even with the treatments. What a terrible day.
I pause while I write this note here on the book of faces to hold my face and stave off complete tears. This has always been a hard day. Every year. I have often wanted it to get easier, but it doesn’t. It just gets less complicated.
I love my family. My wife, my extended and my own little ones. And have often thought that my mom will get to meet them all someday in our future.
I wish I had some kind of joke or story that would make me feel better and perhaps you as well. Perhaps something like, what do you call a blonde with two brain cells, pregnant, or I know a guy named John Hancock. I mean those are pretty funny right.
But alas I must close.
It’s been 13 years. Long years. Too long.
I guess I’ll say this to close, that if you still have a mother, or a father. That you should remember September 17th. Remember it as a day to remember what you have. I know I do. I think about all the wonderful blessings I have been given and how wonderful truly my children are, and what an amazing, loving, beautiful, caring, supporting, sexy wife I have. I think about those things as well on this day. About the things I love and have still. You should think of what you have, and give your mother a big hug. I have lost my mother but still have incredible substitutes like:
Wendy fleet
Angela palfrey
Angela palfrey
Laurel palfrey
Karen Obrien,
Elaine Noftle
Incredible women that I love and that for some reason love me as well.
I hope this message leaves you well. cuz I feel an H’load better than I did when I started.
Fowler
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Jillian Howell Anderson thank you for sharing this…September 17, 2008 at 4:34am · -
Debbi Heninger I’m sorry for your pain, Jared. Hugs to you on this day.September 17, 2008 at 5:46am · -
Michelle Teasdale Bulpitt your mom was a great women. She inspired me!!September 17, 2008 at 6:39am · -
Angie Palfrey I look forward to meeting your Mom someday…just grateful that I have you for now…and always.September 17, 2008 at 7:14am · -
Amy TimberlakeJared, I sobbed as i read this. I knew your mom had passed, but I didn’t know the circumstances surrounding her death. I celebrate my mother on the day that her mother died. I buy her flowers, take her to lunch… let her know I love he…r deeply. I appreciate your reminder to take each moment we have as a blessing.I love you, Jibby Joe.
Amiz.See MoreSeptember 17, 2008 at 7:27am · -
Darlene Mckinnon HuncarJared, I love you…your mom was such a special lady. I’ll always remember how she had a candy bowl on the table for when Joel would be coming over. None of you kids would be aloud to eat it until Joel had first pick! Joel and I understand …what it means to loose your mom, just know that you are never alone, we love all of you so much.October 17th is my special day to remember my mom, I think of her every day when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. That will never change no matter how many years its been, mother’s are always around, watching out for you, showing you the way, they are there Jared, we just can’t see them. XO
See MoreSeptember 17, 2008 at 7:53am · -
Ted Leavitt Thanks Jared.September 17, 2008 at 9:13am · -
Tammie PrattJared, there really isn’t any words that I can think of to say to express at this time. I know how hard it is to lose a parent. The day February 11 is the day I lost my dad and its only been just over 7 months and sometimes it feels like it…s been forever. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. I miss him more than anyone can imagine unless they have gone through the loss of a parent. It’s hard for me to share how I feel most of the time. I basically hold the feelings inside. Thanks for sharing this note with all of us.See MoreSeptember 17, 2008 at 9:39am · -
Shannon Murley-O’Donnal Thanks for sharing Jared, don’t think for one second your Mom hasn’t enjoyed all of your kids and cared for each one of them before they joined you here. Losing a parent is unimaginably hard but your kids got to enjoy their Grandma in a place that we can only imagine, take care buddy, and know you are in our thoughts on this day.September 17, 2008 at 10:27am · -
Stephanie Nelson The things that happen to us make us who we are. Telling others of your pain is a testament to the amazing person you have become. She must of been a special lady! I am thinking of you on this difficult day.September 17, 2008 at 10:30am · -
Shan Powell Murley I knew your Mom, Jared. It was a long time ago, but I do remember that she was a wonderful, caring woman. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.September 17, 2008 at 11:40am · -
Brandy Ellisthank you for sharing what most people can’t . it is obvious to me that what made your mom so special shine on in side you. just wanted to let you know i feel your pain all to much…..when some one you love becomes a memory ….
the memorie…s become a treasure . take care of yourself .See MoreSeptember 17, 2008 at 11:44am · -
Stacey Silva Wow Jared, I had no idea. You really are an amazing person.September 17, 2008 at 12:09pm · -
Janaya Sheppard Rampton it’s been years since i’ve seen you, and i really knew so little about you even then… but i just happend to see this post come across my little news feed saying “don’t read this”… which of course = i can’t help myself. and so i opened it and i read it and i’m still choking back the lump in my throat as i type this. thank you for sharing. truly.September 17, 2008 at 2:09pm · -
Jillian Kirby Thinking about you today Jared. Thank you for sharing… and thank you for making me sit back and remember and truly appreciate all the wonderful people I have in my life… because as you and so many people unfortunately are too aware of, they won’t be here forever.September 17, 2008 at 3:11pm · -
Karen Otway-o’brienI love you too sweetheart, know that and know that you are not alone in this long, long day. I learned alot of things from my sister but on this day I alway think of how grateful that she taught me unconditional love. I think that we all ha…ve learned that from her. Your Mom had one hope for her children and one hope only. That was that you would all be “good people”. You have all made her wish come true Jibby and she was, and I am sure still is, very proud of you.I am too, you are all amazing, kind, good loving people who personify what your Mom stood for. Remember her humor, how she made everyone laugh with her quick wit. I miss her so much and when I think of those times it makes me laugh and then I feel like she is here, just for a moment.
She is still taking care of all of us and we are blessed with those wonderful memories.
Love youSee MoreSeptember 17, 2008 at 4:41pm · -
Irene Leavitt-Johnson Your Mom would be so proud of you, is proud of you. Thanks for putting things in perspective for us who take things for granted.September 17, 2008 at 6:37pm · -
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Linda Olson jared, i lost my mom 39 years ago, and my dad 14 years ago. i can hardly wait to hear your song. love ya lots lindaSeptember 18, 2008 at 12:12pm · -
Wendy Fehr-WheatWow, Jared…. we learn things about you every day. I am so sorry to hear about such a sad memory. I am so thankful for the hope that we have of seeing our loved ones again. I agree with the person that commented on how your mom was up ther…e with your children before they’ve come to earth. Chris had a grandparent pass away before my eldest daughter was born, and that was one of the comforting thoughts that kept us going during the sad times. I feel sad for people that haven’t got the same hope because they don’t believe in life after death (or life before birth, for that matter).
I’m sorry I didn’t get to share my thoughts with you on the 17th… I didn’t even go on Facebook that day, but know that you are thought of.Take care.
See MoreSeptember 18, 2008 at 8:37pm · -
Wendy FleetJared, I did not realize that your Mom had been gone for 13 years, time passes very quickly and I a sure that sometimes it still feels like yesterday, you should not be upset that you were not there when it finally happened as you , I, your… Mom and everyone else knows you loved her and she loved you.And I know that you would have hugged her and given her a kiss everytime you saw her and that would have been the last thing you did when you left her. Jared I am sure that your Mom is looking down at Jim,Angie,yourself and your children and everytime she sees one of those children do something to annoy you or make a big mess, or splashes in a mudpuddle she is snickering to herself as you and your siblings did lots of the same things to her. Jared I was very close to my Grandma,she was my Mother to me although my Mom is still alive and my Grandma has been gone for 15 years,she died Christmas Eve and I was not there when she passed either We had just left and when the Nurse called to tell us her condition had detiorated drastically my stepfather [horrible,horrible man] did not tell my Aunt and I and about 3 hours later she died. I felt very guilty for a long time and still think of her everyday and wish with all my heart that Mackenzie could have known her as they would have got along like a house on fire.That is a lovely song Jared and right now I am also teary. I feel very honoured that you think of me as a mother to you also, I love you Jared and don’t you ever forget that a mother loves her children forever,.Talk to you soon Jared, love you guys and please say hello to Angie and Jim for me, Wendy xoxoXOSee MoreSeptember 19, 2008 at 10:09pm ·
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